Loss and Acceptance ” Part Two
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Acceptance is easy to talk about but difficult to adopt. We may have to accept the loss of our ability to do something very important to us perhaps or which we think we should easily be able to do. We may look fine and not have any obvious sign of disability or pain so others may quite reasonably presume we have a normal level of physical activity and treat us accordingly. So it is difficult to accept a loss of ability and the imagined interpretations in other people’s minds about what kind of person we are due to this. But only by moving towards an acceptance of our situation will we be able to leave the conflict aside and move forward. In most things we have to accept the reality of what we are and what the present situation is. We can in many cases make changes to our situation to improve things and get closer to what we want to be. However, in some cases we are stuck with the situation we are in and we have no option but the accept it or fight against it. Fighting it generates, as we have seen, conflict which has undesirable consequences. Gradually moving towards acceptance can free us from this conflict and allow us, finally, to work at our difficulties in a productive manner. Not accepting the situation means we cannot release ourselves from the conflict and can’t take on our or others’ suggestions for improvement. If I won’t give in to the pain or let people down by admitting I can’t do something then I won’t see why I should do things any differently or accept a lower standard of performance of the job. This way the route to making the necessary changes can be blocked, getting in the way of our progress towards where we want to be. If we say This is the reality of the situation and I have to work with that we can step forward and begin change. How we do this depends on the scripts we adopt to describe our lives. We all have these explicit interpretations of what is going on which we don’t think about consciously. An example might be I am very fit and am able to manage my life and do sports and social activities without difficulties. However, in the world of low back pain and other pain conditions such as neck pain and fibromyalgia, the scripts are very different. A resigned script might be I am completely disabled by my pain condition and as there is no chance of me getting better this means I will never be able to do anything I enjoy again. However, very negative scripts, constantly going round and round in our minds, lead to negative thinking and depression. One approach is to consciously generate new scripts and an example of this might be Even though I do have a pain condition which limits my ability, if I manage my situation well I will be able to do many of the things I want to in a modified manner. This is a realistic description of the situation and more likely to lead to a realistic assessment of our situation and a more positive approach to any action which could be taken to improve it. A realistic script is not the same as a positive one, although there may be positive aspects to it, and should definitely not be rose-tinted unless certain disappointment is to be expected once reality intrudes. However, the more positive and practical view enables people to join in in the assessment and management of their pain, being able to take better advantage of any advice and help from a health professional. Accepting whatever reality we inhabit is less likely to lead to maladaptive behaviours in response to our problems. The pushing on to break through the pain barrier can be moderated and a more successful approach adopted instead of conflict. July 29 2009 11:41 am | Alternative Health 
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